I cried when he said I was beautiful—it was the first and last time.
Beauty would never sit with me.
Instead, it stabbed like the pain of separation from myself and a deep-seated fear of what it might mean.
So I can tell you that I have never been comfortable with the lingering eyes of men or being asked out on dates.
“I prefer if you didn’t talk to me,” I say to the guy who sits uncomfortably close to me at a University gig, while Shihad play in the background.
I know that sounds rude, but I can’t understand the notion of being chatted up by a stranger.
You see, I never wanted my body to form and take shape,
To be seen in a distractingly different light
Like those women who seduce with their wide eyes and coquettish smiles—
The clichéd seductress who talks to a man, while lifting her skirt and stroking her upper thigh
I have seen it with my very own eyes…
“I’m trying to read,” he says to his girlfriend.
He struggles with her lack of intellectual conversation—she has a pretty face, but no ambition.
Later, she sits on the couch with her tanned legs astride trying to catch my boyfriend’s eye.
What kind of woman will she become?
I am curiously sorry for her.
It’s hard to be the right kind of woman when you’re caught on the verge of adulthood.
Style File: I may be on the petite side, but since last winter I’ve been converted to wearing longer garments. I love the slight feel of a ‘uniform’ look, but undoing it with a casual top.
Pictured above wearing a unisex overall dress (which sits just above my ankles) by New Zealand designer, Steve Hall from his collection ‘Abandon Man‘ with a coat from ASOS and Salasai tank. Steve Hall will be showing a new collection at iD Fashion Week 2016