Have you ever been one of those girls who flipped her hair wildly from side to side in an attempt to catch the attention of the guy in a pair of jeans so tight, you’re sure that he no longer owns a pair of testicles?
Or maybe you’ve done that thing that happens in movies where the seductress in a tight slinky dress with heaving breasts and red lipstick, stretches out her legs and continues to slide her hand up and down her inner thigh while she simultaneously licks her lips?
And if you’re a guy: do those moves magically sweep you off your feet in a dizzy haze of amorous feelings that you can’t control?
The thought of overt seduction makes me laugh. I’m not sure if it’s because picturing myself in a vague attempt to do the same would send me rolling backwards in an outrageous fit of laughter, unable to control my bladder.
It’s not so sexy, I know. And granted that one doesn’t tend to go out with a spare set of clothes — unless you’ve just been to the gym, or you’re a three-year-old undergoing toilet training — picturing myself lying in a warm puddle that’s gradually dispersing across the floor, isn’t appealing to anyone…
That’s why I’ll never be a seductress.
No. There’s no lip licking or eye winking going on here, unless Seduction 101 is a single-page handbook recommending moves so economical that they’re pretty much non-existent.
a). When someone comes to talk to you, turn the other way and act like you’re invisible.
b). Stop breathing and don’t move muscle. You don’t want to give the impression that you’re actually human.
c). For the love of God, DO NOT smile: you don’t want the other person to think that you actually like them.
d). Never EVER open your mouth and utter words (not even sounds). You never know what might come out.
But hey, if you’re interested in a comical lap dance with some running man moves and uncoordinated twerking thrown into the mix, then head this way — I promise that you’ll be entertained!
I’ve ascertained over time that seduction isn’t essential, and if it doesn’t come naturally, then that’s totally okay.
Growing up as a tomboy, the seduction gene just didn’t factor into my DNA. I never cared for girly things and I didn’t like boys because I was busy trying to be one of them. Role models that I looked up to were women who knew how to kick butt. If you’ve ever watched 60’s martial arts films then you might remember Lady Whirlwind, a story that follows an invincible Kung Fu master who uses her plaited ponytail as a lethal weapon!
While I was severely shy in my younger days, I’d have no problem now telling you that meeting someone is as simple as…well, just being yourself. It’s true. Once you actually drop your guard — because let’s face it, that’s not the real you — then everything else just happens naturally. Conversation, that is.
But I’m sure if you find yourself adding in some inner thigh stroking or hair flipping moves, or you make an attempt to twerk your way through a conversation, please don’t let me stop you. Just be sure to take a spare set of clothes, just in case…
Feeling sexy or beautiful doesn’t mean baring all.
Photography: Sly On The Wall